Learn what to do if someone says they’re thinking about suicide, including how to listen, keep them safe, connect them with support, and follow up.
Introduction
Someone you care about looks at you and says:
“I’ve been thinking about suicide.”
For many people, those words can bring fear, panic, or uncertainty.
You may immediately wonder:
What do I say?
What if I make things worse?
Should I tell someone?
Am I supposed to know how to help?
You don’t have to have all the answers.
What matters most is taking the statement seriously, staying connected, and helping the person get appropriate support.
If someone tells you they’re thinking about suicide, you don’t have to become their therapist or solve everything in one conversation. You can be the person who helps them take the next safe step.
The National Institute of Mental Health recommends five key actions: Ask, Be There, Help Keep Them Safe, Help Them Connect, and Follow Up.
Here’s what that can look like.
1. Ask Directly About Suicide
If someone tells you they’re struggling, don’t be afraid to ask a direct question.
You might say:
“Are you thinking about suicide?”
It can feel uncomfortable to say the words out loud. But asking directly does not create suicidal thoughts or increase suicidal behavior, according to NIMH. A direct question can instead open the door to an honest conversation.
You don’t need to sound clinical.
You can speak calmly and compassionately.
For example:
“I’m really glad you told me. When you say you’re struggling, are you thinking about suicide?”
The goal isn’t to interrogate them.
It’s to understand what they’re experiencing and determine what kind of support is needed.
2. Listen Without Judgment
Once someone starts talking, resist the urge to immediately fix the situation.
You may feel tempted to say:
- “You have so much to live for.”
- “Don’t think that way.”
- “Everything will be okay.”
- “You need to be stronger.”
- “Think about your family.”
These statements may come from a place of love, but they can unintentionally make someone feel misunderstood or ashamed.
Instead, listen.
You might say:
“I’m really glad you told me.”
“I’m here with you.”
“That sounds incredibly difficult.”
“You don’t have to figure this out alone.”
NIMH emphasizes that listening without judgment is an important part of understanding what someone is thinking and feeling.
You don’t need the perfect words.
Sometimes, being present is more helpful than having the perfect answer.
3. Take What They Say Seriously
If someone tells you they’re thinking about suicide, don’t dismiss the statement as attention-seeking, dramatic, or simply something they’ll “get over.”
Suicidal thoughts can be a sign of intense emotional distress and deserve a serious, compassionate response.
Avoid promising to keep suicidal thoughts completely secret.
Instead, explain that because you care about their safety, you may need to involve someone who can help.
You can say:
“I care about you too much to keep this to myself. Let’s get someone who can help us through this.”
Getting additional support isn’t betraying the person.
It’s helping them build a larger safety net.
4. Help Keep Them Safe
If someone may be at immediate risk, don’t leave them to handle the situation alone.
NIMH recommends helping reduce access to potentially lethal means and connecting the person with appropriate support.
You don’t have to manage a safety situation by yourself.
If you’re unsure what to do, contact crisis support or emergency services and explain what’s happening.
If there is an immediate, life-threatening situation in the United States, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
When safety is uncertain, it’s better to involve appropriate help than to assume everything will be okay.
5. Help Them Connect With Support
You don’t have to be the only person supporting someone who is suicidal.
Help them connect with people and resources that can provide appropriate care.
This might include:
- A trusted family member
- A close friend
- A mental health professional
- A doctor or healthcare provider
- A crisis counselor
- Emergency services when necessary
In the United States, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 by call or text at 988. People can also use online chat through 988 Lifeline. The service can be contacted by someone experiencing a crisis or by someone concerned about a loved one.
You can even offer to stay with them while they make the call or send the message.
Sometimes the hardest part is taking that first step.
Having someone beside you can make that step feel more manageable.
6. Don’t Forget to Follow Up
The conversation doesn’t end when the immediate crisis has passed.
Follow up.
Send a message.
Make a phone call.
Ask how they’re doing.
Invite them to spend time with you.
NIMH identifies ongoing supportive contact after a crisis as an important part of suicide prevention.
You don’t need to constantly monitor someone or become responsible for their recovery.
But letting someone know you haven’t forgotten about them can be meaningful.
Try:
“I’ve been thinking about you. How are you doing today?”
Or simply:
“Just checking in. I’m here.”
Consistency matters.
What NOT to Do When Someone Says They’re Suicidal
Knowing what to avoid can be just as important as knowing what to say.
Don’t minimize their feelings.
Avoid:
“It’s not that bad.”
Instead:
“I can see that this is really painful for you.”
Don’t shame them.
Avoid:
“How could you do this to your family?”
Instead, focus on safety and support.
Don’t argue with their feelings.
You don’t have to convince them that they’re wrong for feeling the way they do.
Listen first.
Don’t promise complete secrecy.
If someone’s safety is at risk, getting additional help is more important than keeping the situation completely private.
Don’t try to handle everything alone.
You can care deeply about someone and still need professional support.
Those two things can exist together.
What If They Say, “Please Don’t Tell Anyone”?
This can be one of the hardest moments.
You may be afraid that involving someone else will damage your relationship.
But if you believe the person may be in immediate danger, safety needs to come first.
You can respond with compassion:
“I hear you, and I know you don’t want other people involved. I’m telling someone because I care about you and want to help keep you safe.”
You don’t have to make the situation bigger than necessary.
But you also shouldn’t carry a serious safety concern completely by yourself.
What If They’re Angry With You?
They may become frustrated when you encourage them to seek help.
They may say:
“I told you because I trusted you.”
Or:
“I don’t want anyone else to know.”
That can hurt.
But remember: your role isn’t to make everyone happy in that moment.
Your role is to take their distress seriously and help connect them with appropriate support.
You can remain calm and compassionate while still setting a safety boundary.
“I respect that you don’t want this to become a big situation. But I care about your safety, and I don’t think you should have to handle this alone.”
You Don’t Have to Be Their Therapist
This is important.
If someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, you may feel responsible for keeping them okay every minute of every day.
That’s an enormous burden.
You can support someone without becoming solely responsible for their safety or recovery.
Your role can be:
Listen.
Stay connected.
Help them find professional support.
Reach out for crisis help when needed.
Continue checking in.
And remember to seek support for yourself, too.
Supporting someone through a mental health crisis can be emotionally exhausting.
When Professional Support Is Important
Suicidal thoughts require serious attention, particularly when someone may be at immediate risk.
Professional support can provide a structured environment for assessing safety, addressing underlying mental health concerns, developing a safety plan, and connecting the person with appropriate ongoing care.
Research summarized by NIMH indicates that safety planning, reducing access to lethal means, collaborative care, and continued connection can play important roles in suicide prevention.
Therapy can also provide a space where someone can talk openly about experiences that may feel difficult, frightening, or overwhelming.
Depending on the person’s needs, treatment may address concerns such as depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, relationship difficulties, or other sources of emotional distress.
How Psyberspace Therapy Can Help
At Psyberspace Therapy, mental health support is approached with compassion, respect, and a trauma-informed perspective.
Therapy can provide a supportive space to explore difficult experiences, understand emotional patterns, and develop healthier ways of navigating life’s challenges.
Depending on the individual’s needs and circumstances, Psyberspace Therapy offers approaches and services that may include individual therapy, EMDR, trauma-focused support, somatic approaches, and other mental health services.
Therapy isn’t about having all the answers before you walk through the door.
You can begin with:
“I’m having a hard time, and I don’t know what to do next.”
That’s enough to start a conversation.
If someone is experiencing an immediate crisis or may be in immediate danger, crisis or emergency services should be used rather than waiting for a routine therapy appointment.
What If You’re the One Who’s Struggling?
If you’re reading this because someone told you they’re thinking about suicide, the steps above can help you respond.
But if you’re reading this because you are the person struggling, please know that you don’t have to carry that experience alone.
Tell someone you trust.
Reach out to a mental health professional.
If you’re in the United States, you can call or text 988 to connect with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline 24/7. You can also contact 988 if you’re worried about someone else.
If there is an immediate, life-threatening emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
You don’t need to know exactly what happens next.
Focus on the next safe step.
Remember: You Don’t Have to Have the Perfect Words
When someone tells you they’re thinking about suicide, you may feel afraid.
That’s understandable.
You may worry that you’ll say the wrong thing.
But you don’t need a perfect speech.
You can start with:
“I’m glad you told me.”
Then:
“I’m here with you.”
Then:
“Let’s get some help together.”
Ask.
Listen.
Help keep them safe.
Connect them with support.
Follow up.
You don’t have to solve everything in one conversation.
Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is help someone take the next safe step.
Frequently Asked Questions
What should I do if someone says they’re thinking about suicide?
Take them seriously, listen without judgment, ask directly about suicide, help keep them safe, connect them with appropriate crisis or professional support, and follow up. NIMH recommends these five actions as a framework for supporting someone experiencing suicidal thoughts.
Should I ask someone directly if they’re thinking about suicide?
Yes. Asking directly about suicide does not cause or increase suicidal thoughts or behavior, according to NIMH. A direct question can help open an honest conversation.
What should I say to someone who is suicidal?
Listen calmly and without judgment. You can say, “I’m glad you told me,” “I’m here with you,” or “Let’s find some support together.” You don’t need to have all the answers.
Should I keep someone’s suicidal thoughts secret?
You should not promise complete secrecy when someone’s safety is at risk. NIMH recommends involving trusted people or appropriate professionals when necessary to help keep the person safe.
When should I call 988?
In the United States, you can call or text 988 for 24/7 crisis support. You can also contact 988 when you’re worried about someone else who may need crisis support.
When should I call 911?
If someone is in an immediate, life-threatening emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
Can therapy help someone experiencing suicidal thoughts?
Mental health professionals can provide assessment, safety planning, treatment, and ongoing support. If someone is in immediate danger, however, crisis or emergency services should be contacted rather than waiting for a routine therapy appointment.
A Final Message
If someone tells you they’re thinking about suicide, you don’t have to know exactly what to do.
Start by staying.
Listen.
Ask.
Take them seriously.
Help them connect with support.
And remember to follow up.
You may not be able to take away someone’s pain, but you can help them feel less alone while they get the support they need.
Sometimes, one conversation can be the beginning of reaching for help.
Book a free 20-minute consultation with Psyberspace Therapy for ongoing mental health support.
